Slowly Coming Into Focus
“You seemed almost as fearful of notice and praise as other women were of neglect.”
-Edmund Bertram in Mansfield Park
I can’t help but feel like Jane Austen “got” me when she wrote of Fanny Price.
Not her perfect morality, just her desire to be good- to be useful.
I so identify with that character and her search for her place.
I was once a little mouse of a girl. I don’t know when exactly that changed, but I do remember taking a stand against a plumber who wanted to charge twice his bid for fixing the lines of a rent house we lived in. Not exactly the setting of an Austen novel, but pivotal none the less.
It was one of the first times I just said, “No.”
Since then it was easier and easier to take up for myself, so much so that I realized I was probably saying, “No” a little too much. A few years worth of swallowing “injustices” kind of led to an outpouring of defensiveness. I had to seek God for balance, something between a mouse and Lou Ferrigno.
(day 63)
He got me there. Slowly, I’m finding the woman I was meant to be: not too weak, but just weak enough.
“He has made everything beautiful in it’s time: also He has set the world in their heart…”
-Ecclesiastes 3:11
Michelle, another beautiful, thought-provoking post. You remind me of my daughter–meek, sweet, dreading any type of confrontation. I agree that a balance is needed. You probably just needed a lot of practice on those NOs and now you get it. 🙂
That was a very sweet thing to say, Gail. I don't think I'm naturally meek. My mother and grandmother were/are. But, I choose to try and behave that way because I want to be and I'm trusting God to get me there. Not a door mat, just gentle at heart.