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Slowly Coming Into Focus

“You seemed almost as fearful of notice and praise as other women were of neglect.”
                                                                                                 -Edmund Bertram in Mansfield Park

I can’t help but feel like Jane Austen “got” me when she wrote of Fanny Price.
Not her perfect morality, just her desire to be good- to be useful.
I so identify with that character and her search for her place.

I was once a little mouse of a girl.  I don’t know when exactly that changed, but I do remember taking a stand against a plumber who wanted to charge twice his bid for fixing the lines of a rent house we lived in.  Not exactly the setting of an Austen novel, but pivotal none the less. 
It was one of the first times I just said, “No.”   

Since then it was easier and easier to take up for myself, so much so that I realized I was probably saying, “No” a little too much.  A few years worth of swallowing “injustices” kind of led to an outpouring of defensiveness.  I had to seek God for balance, something between a mouse and  Lou Ferrigno.

He got me there.  Slowly, I’m finding the woman I was meant to be: not too weak, but just weak enough.

“He has made everything beautiful in it’s time: also He has set the world in their heart…”
                                                                                                                        -Ecclesiastes 3:11

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  1. Michelle, another beautiful, thought-provoking post. You remind me of my daughter–meek, sweet, dreading any type of confrontation. I agree that a balance is needed. You probably just needed a lot of practice on those NOs and now you get it. 🙂

  2. That was a very sweet thing to say, Gail. I don't think I'm naturally meek. My mother and grandmother were/are. But, I choose to try and behave that way because I want to be and I'm trusting God to get me there. Not a door mat, just gentle at heart.

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